When we are invested in a difficult or one-sided relationship, our brain uses confirmation bias to filter reality: we overvalue micro-positive signals (such as a nice message) and ignore problematic behaviors to validate our desire for the relationship to work.

noli's read

The concept of confirmation bias applied to romantic relationships is based on solid scientific foundations. A major theoretical synthesis by researcher Raymond Nickerson (1998) confirms that the human mind naturally tends to favor information that supports its beliefs or desires while dismissing contradictory evidence. In the context of a couple, observational studies conducted by psychologist Sandra Murray (1997) show that we develop 'positive illusions' to protect our attachment. This phenomenon is closely linked to the sunk cost fallacy, documented in behavioral studies (such as the one by Rego in 2016), which explains why we continue to invest time and energy into a situation that is not working. However, research adds nuance to this picture: these cognitive filters are not intrinsically bad and even prove beneficial for the stability of healthy couples. The plastic plant analogy is therefore a very relevant metaphor to illustrate this mechanism when it applies, in this instance, to a destructive dynamic.

the sources

No named source held this one up — that absence is part of the verdict.