To maintain well-being and self-esteem, one must stop systematically seeking the approval of others at the expense of one's own values, by learning to say no and to tolerate the discomfort of disapproval.

noli's read

The importance of acting in accordance with one's core values (rather than through avoidance or approval-seeking) is a pillar of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), the benefits of which for mental clarity and resilience are documented by meta-analyses, notably that of Ruiz (2012). Furthermore, assertiveness training (knowing how to say no) is validated by numerous clinical trials as an effective tool for lowering daily stress. Research on 'sociotropy' (the need to please) also shows that depending on external approval exposes one to greater mood instability. However, the assertion that one is not born a 'people pleaser' requires nuance: genetic association and twin studies reveal that personality traits such as agreeableness and sensitivity to rejection have a significant biological and hereditary basis (approximately 40 to 50%). Finally, although the image of 'losing pieces of oneself' is an evocative therapeutic metaphor, it presents a very common social adaptation mechanism from a somewhat dramatic angle.

the sources

No named source held this one up — that absence is part of the verdict.