To alleviate discomfort in our social interactions, we must actively correct our cognitive biases by becoming aware that we systematically underestimate how much others enjoy our presence and our conversations.

noli's read

The advice to rely on awareness of our perception biases to find ease during interactions is based on a robust phenomenon in social psychology known as the "liking gap." A series of observational and experimental studies led by researcher Erica Boothby and colleagues (2018) demonstrates that individuals systematically undervalue the interest and liking they inspire in their conversation partners after a discussion. More recent observational work, such as that by researcher Susan Sprecher (2025), confirms that this gap is quite real and proves to be particularly pronounced in people prone to high shyness or social sensitivity. The idea of mitigating social discomfort by "actively correcting" this bias is a logical and promising well-being strategy. Nevertheless, the efficacy of purely conscious self-correction for permanently eliminating this tendency has not yet been the subject of randomized controlled trials (RCTs). Furthermore, data from 2025 suggest that this perception gap does not alter the objective quality of the exchange, proving that the issue lies primarily in our own internal comfort.

the sources

1. 1Lauersen JB et al. 2014
2. 2Wang XQ, Zheng JJ, Yu ZW, et al. 2012
3. 3Podcast Notes (podcastnotes.org)