Grief does not shrink over time and the pain remains the same size; it is our life that grows around it (through new routines, relationships, and experiences) to create space to carry this loss without it taking up all the room.

noli's read

This visual metaphor is based directly on the 'Growing Around Grief' model, theorized in 1996 by therapist Lois Tonkin. Scientifically, this is a clinical conceptual model (based on expert opinion and qualitative observational data) rather than a biological truth measurable by randomized controlled trials (RCTs). This concept is robust because it is widely validated by consensus in psychology and aligns with the 'dual process model' by Stroebe and Schut (1999). This observational study framework shows that healthy adaptation to a loss involves oscillating fluidly between acknowledging the pain and actively restoring one's daily life. The only nuance to add is the claim that distress 'never shrinks': behavioral research indicates that the raw intensity of sadness can diminish in some individuals through emotional habituation mechanisms. Although no quantitative meta-analysis establishes this model as an absolute law, it remains a validated, protective, and liberating wellness tool for normalizing the grieving process.

the sources

No named source held this one up — that absence is part of the verdict.