Grief and pain do not shrink over time; rather, it is our lives, our relationships, and our routines that grow around that loss to allow us to carry it without it taking up all the space.

noli's read

This perspective is based on the model of Lois Tonkin (1996, theoretical and observational model), which introduced the idea of 'growing around grief' rather than seeking to erase it. This approach is scientifically supported by the Dual Process Model by Stroebe and Schut (1999, observational study), which demonstrates that adaptation is organized healthily between confronting sadness and actively reconstructing one's daily life. Furthermore, research on post-traumatic growth, notably a meta-analysis by Wu et al. (2019), confirms that going through an ordeal can lead to an expansion of inner strength and deeper relationships, without the initial pain disappearing. The advice avoids any sense of guilt by validating the persistence of pain, which research in acceptance psychology considers beneficial for emotional well-being. The emphasis on routines and social support as pillars for expanding one's life is also validated by numerous observational studies on daily resilience.

the sources

No named source held this one up — that absence is part of the verdict.